saying no because I already said yes.

This is the beginning of the end.  I can feel it.  I have known for months now that my time here would end this summer, but this last week was the first time I really felt it.  I went to the musical and watched as some of my students performed.  It was funny and sweet and I really enjoyed myself.  Then I went home and tears were coming to my eyes and I wondered why.  I am leaving them.  I won't see them in another spring musical.  I won't have them in my office in the fall complaining about confirmation requirements, how much their teachers are out to get them, or why this girl or that boy is horrible.

It surprises me how much I have enjoyed working here and how much I care about these students.  I even care about the ones who frustrate me day in and day out with the choices they make.  Sometimes I wonder if they deliberately choosing the worst possible scenario on purpose or if it is a natural talent they possess.  I wonder about the next person - will they love and care for these students?  Will they see all the wonderful qualities they have - even if they are sometimes buried under a load of sarcasm, eye-rolling and shoulder shrugging?

Another reason my departure is becoming real is that others are leaving this summer as well.  As they begin to announce their departures it forces me to think about my own.  I will be the last to leave (even though I was the first to announce by far!)

All of this is just a reflection that change is a part of life.  Transition is a part of life.  Goodbyes are natural.  However, they are hard if the place you are leaving is a place you love. God is there with us as we say goodbye - as we say no to staying because we have said yes to leaving.  I know that I am doing what God has called me to do.  I have finally said yes to him and in doing so, I have to say goodbye.

I still have a few months left - but as prom and graduation approach with all their ceremonies marking the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one, I can't help but think of my own story.  I have loved this chapter and am grateful for it.  However, I am so looking forward to the next one.

I will try to update more as I go through the process, but until then - pray for me.  If you would.